Vomit on my Sweater, Mom’s Spaghetti; a Tale of Stage Fright

What’s your dream job? Mine has always been an SNL skit writer/actor, or comedy entertainer.

One of my (many) goals with my blog was to ultimately make parody videos and skits to really let you all in on my occasionally overly animated and weird personality that doesn’t always translate well in writing or pictures. (Or even in real life unless you really know me and have lived through and understand my level of awkwardness.)

You aren’t able to grasp my tone of voice, sarcastic undertones, facial expressions, impersonations and occasional jerk-off motions in writing, so I’ve been wanting to share more of that with you.  Some of my influences include Rebel Wilson, Melissa McCarthy, Kristin Wiig, the late and great OG Chris Farley, as well as Will Ferrell, Adam Sandler, and pretty much every funny person who ever lived.

Five years ago when I quit my office job, I had decided it was time to stop trying to fit this round peg into a square hole and to start living out my creative passions and entertainer urges. So I brainstormed, researched and did a bit of Googling, and I ultimately decided to sign up for a Second City stand-up comedy class in Toronto. Yup, I signed up for a once a week class, in a city 4 hours away from my home.

Some of my favorite comedic legends trained at the Second City, so I figured it would be a great place to start. Having recently completed a Live Your Best Life workshop that posed the question about my passions, comedy was the first thing that came to mind. The workshop focused on self improvement and overall well being, and it helped empower me to break down my fears and visualize what my ideal life and career would look like.

It also helped me to accept myself as a round peg in a square hole, and understand that my mind is completely wired in “R mode” as my 11th grade art teacher referred to it. Right brainers, where you at? Who needs logic when we have all this creativity to use!

So I took the leap! I drove out to Toronto once a week for the entire duration of the program, to try my luck at comedy because I knew I was passionate about laughing and making people laugh. The last “class” was an actual performance in front of an audience at a comedy club in Toronto. GULP.

AND I SUCKED. BAD. Like vomit on my sweater, mom’s spaghetti. I kept on forgetting what I wrote down, the whole crowd got so loud, I opened my mouth but the words wouldn’t come out, I was choking now.

Eminem lyrics aside, my anxiety got the best of me. I wanted to literally DIE as the bright lights shone on my red cheeks and I choked on my own saliva while desperately trying to recall any part of my act.

I even resorted to calling out to my husband in the crowd, “Hey hunny, what the hell is my act about?” which people responded to with laughter (yay!) but only because they assumed it was all part of the schtick. But in my sad reality I was actually desperately hoping he’d throw me any line from the act that I had rehearsed in front of him 800 times and had now forgotten.

It was a huge blow to the dreams I had of becoming an entertainer, much like the former singing career I had attempted in my 20’s. I was capable of singing, writing and recording songs behind the curtains, doing my best Britney stage twirls and hair flips in the comfort of my home, but put me on stage and actually open those curtains and I would forget how to person, much less sing or perform.

One time a bandmate even placed a keyboard on stage with me so I could pretend to play along to the music; my hope was that it would distract people from my awkwardness on stage. Naturally, I then started worrying more about the audience suspecting that I wasn’t actually playing the keyboard than my quivering voice and trembling knees. Anxiety is a real treat, friends.

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Ultimately, my journey into discovering my passions and looking for a related career led me to home décor and decorating. (Cough, safe, cough.) After the on-stage embarrassment, I quickly talked myself out of comedy and signed up for an online Interior Decorating course. I ended up starting my wood sign décor business for some extra cash, and that kept me busier than I imagined I ever would be.

The home décor business allowed me to be creative and passionate from the comfort of my home, but without the fear of being vulnerable or judged. But this isn’t where I want my story to end. The “problem” with the creative mind is that it is completely full of ideas all the time; add an entrepreneur spirit to the mix and it’s a recipe for a brain bubbling over with Shark Tank visions.

But in comes the self doubt. It is inhibiting my confidence for making comedy videos and REALLY putting myself out there, back on stage but without the stage. It’s a lot easier “performing”  in your own home without all of those eyeballs staring at you in real time

I just haven’t grown the balls or found the time. And I think, what’s the point? I’m 36, it’s not like I’m going to land my dream job on Saturday Night Live now, at nearly effing 40, from a blog or Youtube post, nonetheless. What if I’m not even funny and I suck, and it’s like the stand-up act all over again?

But then I have to tell myself that none of that is the point, the point is that I love and live for humor and I want to bring humor to the world, even if it means completely making an ass out of myself for the sake of making someone laugh and relate. Correction:  ESPECIALLY if it means making an ass out of myself for the sake of making someone laugh and relate.

So why am I telling you about all of this? Well, I’m mostly just warning you about what is probably not destined to happen in the near future, so people don’t think it’s coming way out of left field, because it’s something I’ve wanted to do since the first time I made someone laugh.

I’m also trying to give myself a pep talk in the process. If a couple people are like “yeah girl I laugh at your shit all the time, your Instagram has me in stitches, let’s see what else you’ve got!” then I might build up a bit more confidence to get some of these ideas out of my noggin and onto video. Help me, I’m scared.

And right on cue, in chimes that bitch self doubt again saying, girlllllll, they’d only tell you to record videos because they want to laugh at you, not with you. STAY SAFE, give the people something to pin on Pinterest, people lovvvve that shit!  Talk about your crafts and your home décor hacks, and your stupid diet that isn’t working. Show people all the shit you’ve done from Pinterest, don’t do the weird stuff!

I will say this, we have already made serious progress, friends. I actually started a blog numerous times over the past 10 years and always kept it private before ultimately deleting it. This is my first public blog, hazzaah! Maybe in another 10 years I’ll post my first video, and by that time I’ll be in my late 40’s so it will likely be about menopause and how to make a mean casserole.

Narrator: Stay tuned to the next episode (aka blog post) to find out if Stacey decides to post that funny video, or talk about something truly exciting like home décor. Bom bom bommmmm. Spoiler alert the next episode is about watching paint dry.

One day, maybe we’ll rip that Band-aid off and do the weird stuff.

YQG Valentine’s Day Gift Guide

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It’s officially February, and Valentine’s Day is right around the corner. Are you feeling stuck for gift ideas? Well look no further, because we have rounded up some of our favourite places to shop locally, so you can find a unique gift and feel good about supporting your community at the same time. (Click photos to enlarge.)

❤Gifts that pamper
Lashes, brows, and tans, oh my! Give the gift that keeps on giving with one of these pampering services they’re sure to appreciate.

LUX BROWS

Tanya Macri is the professional brow artist behind Windsor’s most beautiful microbladed brows, and Lux Brows is the first salon in the area to offer the hottest new non-surgical skin tightening procedure known as Plasma Skin Tightening. Give your lady the gift of perfect skin, a lash lift, or brows that are on point! Check out her website for more information on pricing and services and to book a service or purchase gift cards.
Photo of Tanya by: Eryn Shea Photography

facebook.com/luxbrowsonpoint
luxbrows.mysalononline.com
Instagram.com/luxbrows_on_point

BEACH BUM SPRAY TANNING

 

Get your glow on and banish those winter blues! Vegan, organic and safe, UV-free spray tanning is the best way to get bronzed any time of year. Book online, @mindbodyonline.com or stop by 13126 Tecumseh Rd East to pick up a Gift Certificate for that special someone.

www.beachbumorganicspraytanning.com
www.facebook.com/beachbumspraytanning
www.instagram.com/beachbumspraytanningwindsor

RESTORE MASSAGE THERAPY

Give the gift of relaxation this Valentine’s Day with Restore Massage Therapy, which is
conveniently located at 1614 Ottawa Street. Call 519 -256-6464 to book an appointment, or pop in to pick up a Gift Certificate.

www.facebook.com/restoremassagetherapyandwellness
www.instagram.com/restoremassagetherapy
519-256-6464

BROOKE ELIZABETH MAKEUP ARTIST AND XTREME EYELASH EXTENSION STLYIST

She’ll be batting her lashes at you for days when you purchase her a set of beautiful eyelash extensions from Brooke Elizabeth Make Up Artist / Xtreme Eyelash Extension Stylist, a home-based business in Amherstburg. Text for an appointment or to arrange to purchase a gift certificate, or get in touch on social media.

519-816-1222
https://www.facebook.com/brookeelizabethmua/
Instagram.com/brookeelizabeth_mua

YOUNIQUE MAKEUP BY ERIKA

The ultimate girl boss, Erika does nails, raises babies, makes cheesecakes, sells Younique and still finds time to be a promoter and encourager of other lady bosses! Check out these gorgeous new lip shades for the perfect Valentine’s date night pucker. Contact Erika for all of your makeup needs, and keep in touch on social media to see what promotions and customer kudos she has going on each month.

www.mzdivanailznlashes.com
www.instagram.com/mzdiva_nailz

❤Handmade gifts, made with love ❤
Support your local artists and crafters this Valentine’s Day and purchase a unique gift that your loved one is sure to admire.

EVB JEWELRY

 

Every Event Boutique is a local handmade business that distributes a stunning line of jewelry and fashion accessories that can be purchased online, in person, or through home parties. You will find a fabulous and fashionable selection of jewelry for every taste and any budget on their website. Check out their beautiful line of “Be Mine” Valentine’s Day jewelry available in their Etsy shop, we totally heart it!

www.facebook.com/EVBJewelry
www.etsy.com/ca/shop/evbjewelry
www.instagram.com/evbjewelry

A CUP OF PRETTY

An Amherstburg based home business, A Cup of Pretty creates unique and affordable customized glitter dipped wine glasses, coffee mugs & mason jar tumblers. Treat yo’ self or someone you love this Valentine’s Day, by purchasing through their website or contacting them via social to arrange a custom order.

www.facebook.com/acupofpretty
www.acupofpretty.com
www.instagram.com/cupofpretty

PICKET FENCE HANDMADE

Our home décor company that is affiliated with this blog specializes in unique, whimsical and humorous wood signs. You can shop directly through our Etsy shop and keep up to date with us on social media. Check out our line of free-standing decorative mini wood blocks made for all seasons and styles; there’s a few Valentine’s Day themed blocks left in our Etsy shop!

facebook.com/picketfencehandmade
Instagram.com/picketfencehandmade
etsy.com/shop/picketfencehandmade

BORDER CITY PRINTS

Border City Prints is a home-based, Health Canada approved provider of bath products that are fun and skin safe. They are offering adorable gift boxes for Valentine’s Day featuring themed bath bombs that look good enough to eat- contact them through Facebook to order.

www.facebook.com/bordercityprints
www.instagram.com/bordercityprints

URBAN ART MARKET


Your one stop shop for EVERYTHING handmade, with Valentine gifts to suit a variety of tastes made by over 30 local artisans. Pottery, jewelry, knitwear, wood signs and stationary are just a few of the amazing items they have to offer. Located at 548 Chilver Rd in the heart of Walkerville.

www.instagram.com/urbanartmarket
www.facebook.com/urbanartmarket

CHAR ELLE DESIGNS

Char Elle designs is a line of fashion forward women’s handmade and custom clothing designed and produced in Windsor, Ontario. Shop online or at their boutique located at 4651 Tecumseh Rd East. Check out these chic and sophisticated red pieces for Valentine’s Day, that jumpsuit and pencil skirt is giving us allll the heart eyes!

www.facebook.com/CharelleDesigns
www.charelle-designs.com
www.instagram.com/charelledesigns

❤Indulge
Whether it’s a gift card to a local restaurant, a Valentine’s Day dinner or something decadent to tempt the sweet tooth, it’s all here!

DENALI CHOCOLATES

Denali Chocolates is a local home-based business that is committed to providing you with the most stunning gourmet chocolate dipped strawberry platters, towers and customizable gift boxes for your special events. We have never seen strawberries look quite like this before; their beautiful tower of roses and chocolate covered strawberries is almost too pretty to eat! Contact them to order in time for Valentine’s Day.

www.facebook.com/Denali-Chocolates
www.instagram.com/denali_chocolates
Denalichocolates@gmail.com

KRISTY’S CUSTOM CAKES

Check out these adorable (and affordable!) Valentine’s gift boxes and baskets made by Kristy’s Custom Cakes, a home-based cake decorating business based out of McGregor.
Kristy’s provides custom cakes for all occasions; birthdays, Weddings, Showers, or Just Because. Contact via Facebook to order!

www.facebook.com/kristycakes15/
www.instagram.com/kristyscustomcakes
www.kristyscustomcakes.com

CARROTS N’ DATES

Are you even living in the #yqg if you haven’t been to Carrots N’ Dates yet? This raw, vegan café now has 2 locations to serve you-one in Walkerville and one in Tecumseh! Square Gift Cards can be purchased online from the comfort of your home, and Valentine’s themed gift cards are available if you want to send a loved one something special this upcoming holiday.

Ordering Square Gift Cards Link
www.facebook.com/carrotsndateswalkerville
www.carrotsndates.com
1090 Wyandotte St E in Windsor Phone: 519-962-5115
1125 Lesperance Rd. in Tecumseh Phone: 519-735-0447

HEALTHY MAMA

Why not treat him or her to a delicious 5-course plant-based Valentine’s Day dinner at Healthy Mama restaurant? This is a special set dinner menu that is 100% plant-based and gluten-free with limited spots, so call or email to reserve now. Healthy Mama also offers gift cards and has a retail shoppe filled with delicious products for the health conscious person in your life.

www.healthy-mama.com
info@healthy-mama.com
www.instagram.com/healthymama_food
www.facebook.com/healthymamafood
152 Lesperance rd.
Tecumseh, Ontario
519-956-9467

SUGAR SPOON BAKE SHOP

Specializing in classic and European baked goods and sweets, Sugar Spoon Bake shop is offering a special Valentine’s Day Menu as well as in-store grab and go Valentine themed treats through February 7th-14th. Order now via phone or online, or stop in and admire their gorgeous storefront.

3131 Forest Glade Drive
www.sugarspoonbakeshop.com
https://www.facebook.com/Sugar-Spoon-Bake-Shop-1782793818654491/
www.instagram.com/sugarspoonbakeshop
(519) 956-8484

❤Gifts for him
Treat him to something he will appreciate this Valentine’s Day, with dude-approved ideas for every budget.

WALKERVILLE BREWERY

It’s no secret that we just LOVE the Walkerville Brewery, and this Valentine’s Day you can purchase the perfect gift from their retail shoppe, or fridge. Fill up your Growlers (64 Oz.) and Stubbies (32 Oz.) with your favorite Walkerville beer, or pick up a Valentine’s Day themed gift pack featuring local craft beer. Their featured Gift Package is only $15 and includes: 1 x 750ml Bottle of RIS, 2 x pint glasses and comes gift wrapped w/ Be(er) Mine Valentine tag.

525 Argyle Rd, Windsor
www.walkervillebrewery.com
https://www.facebook.com/walkervillebrewery/

BENT ART & ACCESSORIES

Bent Art and Accessories offers beautiful eco-friendly wood accessories, bbq scrapers, dinnerware, cheeseboards and more, at affordable prices. Are you still searching for that unique gift for him? Their barn wood belt buckles are hand crafted with 115+ year old barn wood and reclaimed hardware and are available in their Etsy Shop and at the Urban Art Market store. Wood BBQ scrapers are another great choice for the grillin’ guy or gal in your life.

https://www.facebook.com/bentartaccessories
bentartaccessories.etsy.com
www.instagram.com/bentartaccessories

❤Gifts for the kids ❤

HOLLY POP KIDS

Dress your little ones in ahhh-dor-able fashion forward Valentine’s Day threads from Holly Pop Kids, an online and home-based boutique. Free local pickup is available, just shop online at the link below, but hurry, clothes this cute and affordable don’t last long.

www.hollypopkids.com
www.facebook.com/hollypopkids
Instagram.com/hollypopkids

 

❤And don’t forget the pets! ❤
Because fur babes need love too

FLUFF PETCARE

Fluff’s entire line of pet products is inspired by a love of animals, and most products are dual-purpose or interactive, meaning they are safe for both you and your fluffy friend. A portion of proceeds from some of their Valentine’s Day products goes to the Windsor Humane Society, so you can feel good about purchasing local and giving back at the same time. Check out their Valentine themed gifts in their Etsy shop, including downloadable pet Valentine’s and Cat Nip pom poms. Locals use code WINDSORSHIP to omit shipping charges.

www.instagram.com/fluff_petcare
www.facebook.com/fluffpetcare/
www.fluffpetcare.com/
www.etsy.com/shop/fluffpetcare

BONZAI GIFTS BY PET NANNY

Treat your pets to a gift pack by Bonzai Gifts by Pet Nanny, a local home-based business catering to your fur babies. Valentine’s Kitty Packs include a collar of your choice, 2 toys of your choice, and an XS cat bandana for only $20. The Doggy Bag contains a plush squeaky toy, medium bandana, 3/4″ collar of your choice and paw wax for only $45. You can shop directly from their Etsy shop or contact them for more information.

www.facebook.com/BonzaiGiftsbyPetNanny/
www.instagram.com/www.facebook.com/BonzaiGiftsbyPetNanny/
www.etsy.com/shop/bonzaigiftsbypetnanny

❤Share the love!❤
Brb, currently ordering everything on this list right now. If you are a local business and you are offering a Valentine’s Day themed gift or service that you want to share, we would love to hear about it! Feel free to post a link to your business or product in the blog comments or on this post on Instagram and help share the love for local. Thank you for supporting our YQG community, and don’t forget to subscribe to the blog and follow our Instagram pages.

Xo,
Stacey